All Hail BDFL

I’m not so sure how BDFL will react to this.

PS: Our Faux HIbernian friend did this, not me. I am just an innocent misanthropic HR guy.

 

The (real) Nobel Prizes

Who cares who actually won the Nobel Prizes?  Its obvious that those who thoroughly deserved them were nonchalantlyoverlooked by the evil Institutes that decide the winners of these Great Prizes.

So here is the list of those great souls who deserved the Nobel Prize but were cruelly denied this year.

Peace: Barack Obama – for NOT attcking Iran

Literature: Barack Obama – for his succinctly written tweet which described  in 144 charcaters what a twit Kanye West is.

Chemistry: Barack Obama – for proving the hollow, full-of-gas  nature of US presidential promises especially in relation with a certain country called Afganistan.

Physics: Barack Obama -for disproving Newton’s third law by provoking a much larger reaction than action in the form of an exclaimation of  ‘You Lie!’ from a respected public personality.

Medicine: Barack Obama – for being from so many countries that people all over the world think they’ve a right on him.

Economics: Barack Obama – for single handedly halving the demand for professional torturers and sensible CEOs

 

The deplorable practise of Tea-flinging

An interesting thing happened today. The day began quite as planned with me getting up at 11:30 , then having my morning cup of tea and following that up with lunch. After lunch I had …..another cup of tea. Now when we went for this second cup of tea i got to see a very unique way of expressing displeasure. As I don’t want to take names and vilify people here, lets say it was Me, Aunty and Flippy Bong Ghissu  (for your convenience the shorter version of the nickname has been used). So there we are sitting and having a mindblastingly  hot cup of tea when Aunty starts discussing about the people who work and the ones who dont. One accusation thrown about is the one pertaining to Flippy Bong Ghissu’s work habits. Now Flippy (now I’m just being lazy) normally does not get pissed enough to actually cause bodily harm to people. But, oh my , we saw another side of her today. within seconds of the utterance of the fateful slanderous accusation Flippy grabbed a cup of scalding hot tea and emptied the glass* on Aunty’s head. I don’t know if you’ve ever had tea-flung at you, but trust you me, it hurts.

This story has several morals:

1. Don’t cast aspersions on people’s work habits especially if they have any of the following on them:

Boiling hot tea, acid , rdx, grenade, napalm , knives, machetes, revolvers , sandpaper , pianos , portable iron maidens, management books , tarantulas or kittens.

2. Even if aspersions are cast about your work habits , it’s not cool to hurl blistering hot liquids across rooms onto living beings. If the beings are human/arachnids  it may be acceptable in some circumstances , but for anything else its out of the question.

3. And most importantly , whatever happens do not waste tea , especially when farmers are dying in Vidharba.

And finally , in order to stop these shocking acts of unrestrained violence and horrific wastages,  I demand the Parliament comes up with a law criminalising tea-flinging.

* Some parts of this article might be slightly exaggerated, apocryphal or at least wildly inaccurate.

 

That’s why formula one rocks

Hat tip: Bits and Pieces

 

Writing an SOP…

…has turned out to be the toughest thing I’ve had to do in years. Things would be so much easier if I actually had a purpose to give a statement about.

Reminds me of that scene in Shrek : Donkey running in afield full of blue flowers with red thorns saying ” Blue Flowers ,Red Thorns , Blue Flowers ,Red Thorns, Blue Flowers ,Red Thorns …Damn! This would have been so much easier if I wasn’t colour blind!”

 

CYG

Considering that there is no infrastructure in place and the fact that Suresh Kalmadi is in Charge , it doesn’t take  rocket science to figure out that this years Commonwealth Youth Games are going to be a disaster.

Some suggestions to avoid the huge embarrassment that awaits us:

1.Pay the Government of Australia a huge sum of money and get them to rename Bendigo as Pune.

2. Insist that the athletes are in the wrong country .

3. Cancel all the Athletes’ visas on account of terrorist suspicions.

4. Don’t do anything more in Pune and say the we had fixed up everything , that damned Indian Mujahideen broke all our roads .

5. Change Pune’s name and insist that no such place exists. They should go back home and check their sources. These stupid foreigners know nothing about this part of the world.

6. Throw all athletes out on concocted charges of racism.

7. Give them all complimentary drinks with Performance enhancing drugs in them. Take the drug test immediately , blast them for having defiled the sanctity of sport and make them fix all the roads.

All these things are too complex and require planning  and subtlety which our leaders have shown they are utterly incapable of. So the simplest option is :

Tell Raj Thackeray that none of the Athletes can speak marathi .

 

Stupid CERN

They spent 6.4 billion euors on the Large Hadron Collider ?

Wouldn’t it have been a lot cheaper and a lot more effective to simply get Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick the proton ?

 

Ever wondered how Beijing 08 got it’s logo?

 

Deathstar Canteen

 

How to screw up your GRE

Here are five simple steps  to screw up your GRE.

1. Stay in the US till 2 weeks before your GRE and don’t study at all during all your time there.

2. Come back and attend the worst quiz ever.

3. Attend placements and meet up with all your friends from college.

4. Help this lazy arse set questions for a quiz .

5. Write a blog post about how to screw up your GRE.