-Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
– Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
– From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
– I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
– I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
– I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
– I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
– In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
– Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
– Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
– Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
– Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
– One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don’t know .
– Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
– There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he’s crooked.
– Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
– Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
– Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.
– Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
– I thought my razor was dull, then I heard his speech.