Surely your Joking , Mr Clattenburg!

This is in reference to the new born trend of remarkably bad refereeing at important games in the EPL.

Last weekends Merseyside derby saw some horrendous decisions being made by referee Mark Clattenburg. Here are some of them:

1) Steven Gerrard goes on a penetrating run into the 18 yard box and is followed in hot pursuit and brought down by Tony Hibbert. Now the rules say that a defender can be given a red card only if the challenge is malicious or if he is the last defender and brings down an attacker of the other team when he is a threat on goal . Hibbert was neither. The venerable referee Mr. Clattenburg proceeded to do the right thing and brought out the yellow card…but was promptly reminded by Steven Gerrard of the mysterious sudden increase in his savings over the previous weekend….and then showed the hapless Tony Hibbert a red card.

2) As we all know by now , Dirk Kuyt scored the winning goal in the dying minutes of the match. However if it wasn’t for Mr. Clattenburg he wouldn’t have been on the field in the first place. Dirk Kuyt , his brain seemingly overflowing with the Carl Lewis long jump videos he’s been watching , decided to try for the ‘most devastating long jump world record’ in the middle of the match. Apparently blinded by fury on having lost the ball in his own half , Kuyt launched a malicious two – footed tackle on Phil Neville. Yes …we all have ,sometime in our lives, felt like kicking Phil Neville ; but Kuyt’s tackle was a wee bit too much. Now even a half blind octogenarian who doesn’t know shit about football would have shown him red but our good friend Mr. Clattenburg gave Kuyt just a yellow , not once considering that Neville’s career could have been ended that day.

3)A bit of background on this story : Paul Lescott was recently called up to the England squad and even started the game in Moscow.

Jamie Carragher on the other hand ,though much more experienced than Lescott, spent his weekend playing golf at the local country club and watching England lose to Russia.

Down to nine men with only minutes to go , Paul ‘just strolled into the national team ‘ Lescott was attacked by Jamie’ excluded from the national team for months’ Carragher. This was quite easily a penalty and red card for Carragher but once again Mr. Clattenburg comes to the Liverpool’s rescue. He doesn’t even give a foul and happily waves play on inspite of Carragher himself looking guilty as sin and 40,000 people voicing their disapproval.

And after all this Mark Clattenburg wonders why he has been given the weekend off!

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One Response to Surely your Joking , Mr Clattenburg!

  1. Pingback: And the noble tradition continues.. « D’oh

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