Hollywood v/s Bollywood

A cop film in Hollywood:

The hero is young man, a rebel , he has a problem with authority. His acts are not thought out, they seem to work out though and this really pisses off his superiors. He is asked/forced to work with someone else. This other guy has nothing in common with our stud. He dresses differently, is serious about his work, probably is more mature and older. Enter the villain who is generally a German/guy with European accent (American English is just not evil, what to do?) with an odd pet. His entry is normally marked by some horrible crime/brutal murder/rape etc. In most cases only the pet may be shown.
You can’t have a film without a heroine can we. So there she is. She will probably be a dancer/bartender/waitress/store clerk and will most definitely be the older guys yonder sister/daughter. Now our stud will bump into her and fall for her much to the disapproval of the older dude. They’ll have fights and arguments. Finally one of these will be a huge fight and they will stop being partners.
Now the villain, the villian (who, if face not shown earlier) will be the likable zookeeper/librarian who happens to know the older cops daughter/younger sister. He will then put his evil plan into action. For no reason at all the FBI will get involved and now it will become a matter of National Security. Now the two partners will be forced to reunite. They will go, obviously just the two of them, and massacre the whole army of the bad guy. Finally they confront the bad guy who now reveals that he totally foresaw this and had kidnapped the older dudes sister/daughter just for good measure. The younger guy, our hero will think of some terribly ingenious way of getting out of the situation. He’ll put his anti-evil plan into action and kill the villain with a toothpick. The older guy now sees that this young stud is the right man for his daughter/sister and lets them hook up.

A cop film in bollywood.

There will be a very pretty girl. She will be rich and a spoilt brat. She will run over some poor vegetable vender and thus meet our hero for the first time. Our hero is a cop. His name is Vijay. He is all for living-by-principles-and-will-not-accept-bribes kinda guy. He has a huge fight with the girl and now she basically hates him. He also kinda hates her and thinks she is no good. However she now loves him. It’s complicated and Bollywood generally tends to avoid these pestering little matters like “how? ” or “why?” . So anyway she loves him and pursues him. There are several songs. He happily dances with her, but still hates her.(Its complicated). Anyway, finally, after about 2:30 hours these two have confirmed that they love each other. Now enter the girl’s father. He is obviously the villain. So he hatches this crazy plan to ruin the inhabitants of an entire village. This village will happen to be the same from which Vijay comes. Vijay is obviously pissed that this mo-fo is screwing his village. So he goes after him. For no reason at all, the entire girl also gets into it. She finds out what a positive bastard her dad is. She is totally pissed but is caught in the conflict of her lover (who she hated earlier, though this point is totally out of place here) and her father (who she hates now). Finally, just as Vijay is about to behead this villain, the police come and spare them the turmoil of a relationship in which the girl always has the argument ” But you lynched my father!”. So anyway, more dancing. And now the movie is over.

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6 Responses to Hollywood v/s Bollywood

  1. Diwakar says:

    This is incomplete!
    Where are tamil movies, where is my bhojpuri classic!

    Complete it gadre!

  2. Abhishek Joshi says:

    Haha! Familiar…

  3. Som says:

    Vijay….well done ..lol

  4. Ganesh says:

    Gadre.. stop making it so apparent that you’re FRAXing away your internship 😛

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