I have a thing whereby I decide I’ll get back to writing every January, write one post and next get back to writing the next January. The one good thing to come out of the GOT final season is that it is so bad, it has moved me to write again and this year, all my readers (yes, both of you) will see TWO blogposts!
So, Game of Thrones has ended. To say the ending was controversial is putting it mildly. The last episode invoked a lot of reactions in fans – top three of which were “What the fuck!”, “Why Why Why Why” and “Seriously, what the fuck”
Needless to say, HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD.
The ending wasn’t great. In fact it was quite shit. Okay, really, really, really shit. Arguably the worst drop from the peaks the show has seen – for any show ever. The ending makes no sense (what was even the point of Jon’s lineage being given so much importance, or Varys conspiring, or his execution, or the mad queen act, or the entire Night King build-up over 3 seasons), contradicts their own story-line (Bran isn’t even fully human, rejects to be Lord of Winterfell but totes agrees to be King?), destroys narratives and character arcs (See Dany, Jamie, Cersei, Jon, Night King, Bran – only Arya and Sansa’s arcs were kept intact by the end of the show).
It feels like they just gave up by the end and asked some random passerby to write and direct the last two seasons without telling them anything about what had happened in the previous six.
Benioff and Weiss spent 2 whole years – and this is the best they could come up with? Just sitting around for an hour or so, I have come up with 10 alternatives that to my mind would have made more satisfying endings. Here they are:
1. Jon kills Dany. Drogon tries to burn him alive and nothing happens because he is a Targaryen. Drogon accepts him has his new rider and he then gets on Drogon and drives the Unsullied and Dothraki out of Westeros. Jon takes the throne. He marries Sansa because its Targayrean tradition to indulge in incest but keeps his honour as she is not actually his sister. Win Win situation.
2. Jon kills Grey Worm, frees Tyrion and is smuggled north by Davos. Dany, Drogon and army follow – just as Drogon is about to fry them and all of Winterfell, Bran wargs into Drogon and takes over his brain – and turns on the Unsullied and Dothraki instead. Dany falls off trying to control him and dies. The North decides it doesn’t want to take this shit anymore and declares independence. Jon becomes King in the North. Benioff and Weiss make another 5 seasons about the struggle for the Iron throne among the other 6 kingdoms.
3. Jon kills Dany and at the trial – all lords and ladies name him king (because why the fuck have Varys write letters to them if it doesn’t mean anything? or in general why even bother revealing his lineage if it doesn’t matter?). Grey Worm refuses to release him and a trial by combat is agreed on. Jon kills Grey Worm and is crowned King.
4. Jon kills Dany. Drogon flies into a rage and burns down whatever is left of Kings landing. All humans live in terror and the show ends with people boarding ships to Essos.
5. Dany finally eats food given by Martha (which is of course poisoned by Varys) and dies at her own feast. A trial ensues and Tyrion is found guilty at an unfair trial. He demands trial by combat – Grey Worm chooses Drogon as his chanpion and Bronn volunteers to fight to Tyrion. Just as Bronn’s unconventional sell-sword tactics have Drogon on his back, Drogon trips him and crushes his skull and ….wait…this seems familiar…..
6. Dany kills Jon for being a threat to the throne and Tyrion for treason. She goes on rampage and starts taking over the continent. The Starks flee north and finally go beyond the wall. Dany is ruthless and terrorises all of Westeros. Finally in a moment of desperation, Bran asks Sansa to stick a dragonglass dagger in his heart and becomes a new Night King. He turns all remaining humans into Whitewalkers for this is the only way to defeat Dany.
7. Cersei survives the rubble and escapes. The people now know that she is actually the less crazy person and rally behind her. Tyrion sells out Jamie to prove his loyalty to Dany. Dany has Jamie beheaded in front of Cersei as revenge for Missandei. Just as she puts on a smug look she is stabbed from behind by Tyrion. Just as Cersei reaches for her wine glass (in the middle of the field because who cares about logistics), Arya stabs her from behind. Show ends with Drogon flying off into the sea and Jon leading the northmen back to Winterfell – while the two armies fight. Ice and Fire are like whatevs and go their separate ways.
8. By some miracle, Benioff and Weiss don’t fuck things up and Dany accepts Cersei’s surrender in Episode 5. By this time, news has reached everyone that Jon is rightful heir to the Iron Throne and there is uproar at Dany’s coronation. Cersei plans to pull another season finale of Season 6 and blow up the Red Keep. As she gives the order to Qyburn to make this happen, Jamie stabs her and kills her. Dany is furious at such underhanded tactics and wants to burn all the Lannister men, Jon kills her before she can give this order. In all this confusion, people have forgotten about the Mountain, who casually kills Grey Worm, Jon Snow, and Jamie. He takes the throne and everything is worse than it ever was. GRRM high fives B&W for a truly bleak ending that is still more sensible than Bran becoming King.
9. Tyrion is revealed to be the son of Aerys Targaryen and Joanna Lannister and therefore capable of riding Drogon. While Dany is giving her speech, he rides Drogon and fries the entire Unsullied and Dothraki forces as Dany watches on in horror. Jon kills Dany, Grey Worm kills Jon, Arya kills Grey Worm. Tyrion takes the throne and rules with logic and occasional fantastic drunken ideas (like outlawing idiotic departures from character arcs).
10. Jon kills Dany. Drogon is pissed AF and kills all humans in Westeros. Drogon takes the throne and rules over the 7 kingdoms (or as it is known now, “big burny place”). He is shown to be master strategist who thought simple – “If there are no people, there are no question of ruling by fear vs love. Also fear is da bomb.” A year later, Ghost who is now bored without any humans around to scare the shit out of, is shown entering King’s Landing. Drogon and him get along splendidly and he becomes Paw of the King. Show ends with Ghost riding Drogon with tail wagging and having a great time. Fitting end to the story – two good boys – Ice and Fire – ruling the world.